dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
