dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
