Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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