Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
