I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
