Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
