I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
