Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
