Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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