ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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