I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
