i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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