after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
