Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
