Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
