That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
