remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
