im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Two words: nipple clamps
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