y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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