She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
