...so i touched it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
