I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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