So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish you could order shots online.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
