just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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