I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
