Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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