For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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