I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Of course I have a pirate flag
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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