alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my liver is dry heaving
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
