Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
