Where is the hickey?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
