so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
