I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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