Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
