Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
