I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
