oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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