so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
