some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
