It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
