I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
