sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
two words...techno handjob
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
