a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
