No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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