you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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