my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just pee around me
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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