Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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