yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
