I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
