fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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