Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I believe in your delicious
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
